Alrighty, time to actually update on some life stuff.
Which is terrifying and I hope I actually write most of what I want to say at least.
First things first, let's start with some good news, yeah?
Last month, I started really focusing on losing weight. I walk everynight (unless I'm butt tired) and every morning if possible. It's not far. Only half a mile each session. But I've made a lot of progress with it. I used to be super tired after each walk, but now I'm walking the ... inside streets? (I'm totally not remembering what they're called, oops.) And I'm not use panting and such. Though my feet forever seem to hurt, oops |D; But I've also put myself at an 1000 calorie diet as well (which is hard to do, and I know it's a bit low but I'm doing well with it so it's fine.) I've kept to that pretty well, occasionally having a cheat day.
I've been doing this for a month. My over all goal for the year is 50 lbs or more. When I started, I was 311lbs. (Oh yes, told you guys I'm fat... more like obese but yes.) I weighed myself a month later. I was at 2.98.8 lbs. Like, how great is that. I've been struggling this month a bit more on losing weight, which my Dad thinks it's because I added more walking than when we started out. So I'm not expecting this month to be really fabulously great. But still, I feel great. I'm proud to have lost that much within a month and I think my 50 lbs is something doable! I've also been keeping a record of how much I weigh at least every 8th of the month (which is when I started, May 8th. ) If I want to record more, then I can, but I require myself to check at least once a month. My over all end goal is to get back down to the 100s... like.. 180 would be cool. Beats 300+, ha.
Maybe I should alternate my good with my not so good?
Though this "not so good" is not really news... just an update?
A few years ago, I had a huge fall out with someone I called a best friend. I also pushed away a lot of people... After that fall out, I really fell into myself. The last three years, I've been working with myself, fixing myself up a bit. I wanted to be the person I was before a lot of things. More of my High School self... or even the self I was when I first joined dA. I was really friendly and open and tried to be kind and all sorts of stuff. I will never be like my younger me. I've become a lot more closed off from people. I'm much more insecure, and I have a really hard time openly trusting people, opening up to people. I've become pickier about what I want to open up about. There's times where I just really want to ramble about everything that's haunting me or making me really nervous. But... I know how annoying and stressful it can be to suddenly have someone ranting about whatevers.
That's one of the things I wanted to not toss at you constantly. My problems are my own. If I need to rant or vent, I'll lean on someone I know who will be okay with hearing my emotions... who understand my burdens aren't theirs and that all I need is an ear unless I ask for advice or whatever... Most of the time is I just want to rant about something, ha.
I say I'm feeling a lot better since those years ago or when that "hell" went down. I'm still unfortunately haunted by everything that's happened. People won't let things go. I still get "go die" and such on my tumblr sometimes. Passive aggressive calling outs how horrible a person I was/ "am." Honestly, a lot of this is really bearing down on me sometimes. Which is sometimes when I make a status update saying something about wishing I could just write about this stuff. But ugh, whatever |D I'm in a better spot in my life with those people out of mine. I have really nice people who'll comment or chat with me occassionally. A really patient and kind group for Pathfinder. I have a wonderful family. A great bestie.
I just apologize that I'm not very social. That's something that makes me very nervous sometimes. I have to build up my confidence to be social, even to reply back to things. (And I'm forever sorry to a couple of people that I've not replied to things yet and it's been a month or so and just... I'm super sorry ; 3 ;` I promise I've been thinking about it and have not forgotten about it.)
Just... be patient with me on the socializing concept. I'm trying. It can be really overwhelming. And it's not just online. In person is just as "ahhhhh-" like, ha.
Just know that I'm taking my time with myself, still fixing up parts of myself. Things like that. I'm sorry for not being great with socializing and keeping to it.
OH! I was just about to type I forgot what my other good thing was, ha. BUT I've finally managed to figure out how to make a new youtube that's not stuck with my name as the channel name. That's been one of the biggest reasons I've not been doing speedpaints. I didn't want to use my "TheLonelyQueen" channel anymore, especially since I've not gone by that alias for years, ha. I'll share a link to it when I get it up and going. I also want to make some more songs to use in the background so I'm not just repeating things all the time.
THOUGH! If you have suggestions on what you'd want me to narrate/talk over once in a while. Like "Redraw this" or whatever, please let me know~!
I swore there was a nother good- OH YES THERE IS. But onto the really big thing.
For those who don't know, my father's military. Air Force to be exact. He'll be leaving tomorrow for a year... to a dangerous-ish place. His job doesn't make him have to go out into the field, but they had him learn how to handle a gun and he needs to have armor and such... It's a bit scary, honestly. Last time he was gone a year, I didn't really understand that it was also kinda dangerous too....
BUT UHH YEAH. If I'm even less around, that's why. I'll be helping out around the place even more. It should be okay, and I should still be able to post stuff and work on things. Especially now that my little brothers are olderish and just like playing Minecraft and such, ha. XD Most of helping around would just be taking up most responsiblities (like mowing the yard. That was kinda Dad's thing that he liked to do). But yeah, I'll just be doing some more around the house and whatnots \o/
Last bit of good news (just so I don't end on a down note. I know I have two more things I could ramble about, but this is enough for now?)
So, you know how I've been about the snails right now? WELL! Today, I picked up one of the snails to hold it for a bit and on it's shell was a BABY SNAIL. like... it didn't have a shell but looked just like the snail I was holding (unless it was a slug... but I'll hold onto the hope it's a snail XD ) There was another tiny baby close by too and just... Yesssss ♥ Snails <333333
These things make me stupid happy. I don't know why. (I blame holding one for a bit that triggered all of this happiness recently XD) (That happened when I got to hold a cute snake too... I want a snake ; 3 ; But I'd be happy with snails in my room too <333 ... Not allowed to though. Mum wants to keep them outside |D Which I can totally understand so I'll just be happy when I go out there and get to see them next to the front porch <3 )
We all should have snail happiness in our lives <3333 Yes <3333