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1.) Cute art.
2.) Awesome designs
3.) Cool person.

And they are doing a raffle for their watchers... which you should check out >3>  And their stuff.  Because you should be watching them already, duh :iconfliphairplz:
It seems like Kitsudon is having a bit of financial problems /o/ so, go commission her ye. Her art's really pretty.

I have realized I've not made a monthly thing/update since the first one and this journal is very much not that again.
Instead I just wanted to let peoples know that I have some adoptables over on :icongoomama: that would be cool if they got homes and such >3>;

(Holy shit these guys have been around since 2014 herp):
 Micey Things [OPEN] by GooMama
Foxy Floofy [ OPEN ] by GooMama
Bunny Hands 1 [ O P E N ]! by GooMamaBunny Faun [ Open ] by GooMama
Sewn Imp  [ OPEN ] by GooMama
And then I just added this guy~!
Dragon Fly Cat [ Open ] by GooMama

So... yeah \o/  Just kinda advertising myself.
I want to make more adoptables but like >3>;;;  I need to actually sell some or something.  Or else it's kinda pointless for me to put so much work in these guys, ya know?
I know CheruCheriPie kinda has a thing where she does this lil status update on life or whatevers and I've been thinking, maybe this should be a thing I do too?  Especially since I seem to always be not active and not social.

(Also if you don't know I might just end up rambling in these as well.  Like below.)  

Like, I want to be more social.  And I've been thinking on as to why I get so anxious about replying, or just anything socialize.  At first, I thought it was just because it's way out of my comfort zone.  I've figured I'm an introverted person.  Other people have said I'm just shy.  Other people say I have social anxiety.  Might be all of them, or none of them, I dunno.  All I know is I have a hard time replying to things, or holding conversations with people, both online and off the net.  The only people I have no problem with talking with and spending time with are people I know well:  my immediate family and my bestie, Eessosis.  I talk to them all the time. So it's not like I'm /not/ social.  (Though there are times where I just want to not talk to anyone and I tend to go read a book or put on a movie or something.)  But anyways, I've come to realize that these people are my greatest social supporters.  As in, once they aren't in the picture (online: they aren't in the chat room/ offline: they aren't close by), I immediately feel exposed and vulnerable;  this causes me to try not to open myself up to other people.  

Like, I have this really amazing pathfinder group of people, okay?  And I LOVE playing with them.  I think they are the coolest people and it's super fun hanging out with them.  But I completely freeze up all the time, to the point that I can't get myself to reply onto the discord chat we have (especially if I don't see it right away, then I really have a bigger hard time.)  And I honestly know that these people are great and I shouldn't freeze up like this around them.  And yet I still do.

I know that this has gotten worse as time goes by, unless I have moments like these where I just don't care (or I feel too good to feel that anxiousness take over), where I have no problem rambling about myself.  (I actually like talking about myself -divas-.  At least, I've come to realize this.  However I don't always feel super comfortable doing so. So I tend not to.  And as such, I tend to put myself down for it.  Not, like, purposely.  Just I know I'm not a super interesting person.  Hell, most of the time I'm just in my room being a dork, not much to go off of there.)

I know I shouldn't feel like this.  Because it's stupid.  And I should be going around more confidently.  But I really am not that confident a person.  And I'm also trying really hard not to get super attached to people who might just... poof, for one reason or another.  Or to get really really hurt again.  I really don't want to go through getting hurt badly again. Especially since I've been doing really really well with myself.

I feel a lot more happier. Like, I have this scale on how I rate my days:
Up Up (or more Ups if it needs it)
(Up Neutral) Neutral (Down Neutral)
Down Down (or more Downs if it needs it)

For me, Up to Down days are normal and needed.  I can't be happy all the time, or so happy that I'm stuck in a weird overly confident/excited spot.  That can be dangerous for me, and other people.   However, so Up Up moments are healthy too.  As the opposite, I shouldn't be stuck feeling bad for a long time, or horrible for a super long time either.  It can also be dangerous/unhealthy for me and other people.
So most of the time, I tend to be have a Neutral day.  But I've realized my Neutral days can also lead into a "blankness" for me emotionally.  I used to hate feeling really "blank."  However, my "blank" or lack of emotions has dwindled a lot now.  I tend to feel content more than anything.  Or just, comfortable, or safe.  Relaxed.  

I feel that's a good spot to be.  And I worked stupidly hard with myself to get myself in a better emotional state; I'm proud of how far I've got in the last two years.

I just know, socially, this will take me a lot longer.  I can do the brief, "Have a good day" when I buy something or whatever.  But other than that, it's so terrifying?  I can't think of the best word for it.  I want nothing more than to vanish into a wall or something.  (And I've also looked back on myself when I was younger and this has been a thing for a while, but it was never fully this bad.  It got to this bad, but never stayed, ya know?)  

It'll just, take me longer to feel more comfortable with being more social, especially with people I don't know that well or am that actively talking with.  But I know there was one thing that I used to do a lot that helped me break out of my shell a bit more: streaming.  
When I would stream, I would feel anxious, but it was something that I managed to deal with.  And when I would stream more often, it felt like the people who came to my streams and would chat and such were super supporting and such.  Not just of my art, which I'm glad there are some people who enjoy what I make, but of me personally.  Like, I didn't have such a hard time with talking to people after a while when I streamed.  I think this is the step I need to make again, streaming, to help with my social-troubles/energy.  (I also think I have low social energy still but that's fine.)

My only trouble is, I have no idea when to stream.  My days tend to be like this:
Wake up (8-10am)
Go to neighbor's and let out their dog [It's a kinda job so woo |D] (10-11am)
Come back, have lunch/Or walk first (11-2pm)  (In this time, I might actually just talk with Mum or something or play some Skyrim or Draw or Watch some Youtube/TV as well.)  (This is also the the time that if  Mum wants to do some shopping, I go to help her.  
Go back to neighbor's and dog again (2-3pm)
Come back and help with boys if needed, otherwise I have some time to myself again (unless we all go somewhere, which can happen) (3-5pm)
Help with supper and eat the supper (5-6:30pm)
Go and water plants (though  I dunno if we are going to anymore now.  Mum's tired of having a buttload of veggies that we can't eat and we can't seem to find anyone to give them to) (6:30-7pm)
*Watch AGT (On Tuesdays and Wednesdays.  I spend this time with Mum ♥) (7pm+)
Time for myself/help get boys to bed (7-9pm)
Go up and spend some time with Mum again/away from the computer (9-10/11pm)
Get to bed because I tend to be tired (11-12/1am)

And during all those times I have to myself, especially after the boys come home, I might be get peoples coming to me on and off.  (There's a lot of times where I say I spend time with Mum.  I know.  But I know she's lonely a bit right now with my dad being deployed.  She only gets to talk to him for 15 minutes in the morning and another 15 minutes at night each day.  So I try to keep her company sometimes.  Even if it just means I'm sitting in the living room with her watching TV while she plays solitaire on the computer.  She ends up getting a random thought and starts talking about it.  Or we make plans for supper or anything like that for the next day.  Things like that.)
I also don't feel like 2 hours is enough time to really stream.  Especially since some of the art work that I want to be working on takes me 10 hours minimum to work on.  And I want to make bigger pieces.  

...  (I have to go shower really quick while I was in the middle of writing this and I forgot a lot of what I was going to type. HRMMMMM)

But yeah uh.  
Less rambling about all that? Perhaps?  Like, I feel like I was trying to justify myself after rereading some of the stuff I just wrote up there.  It's just been on my mind a lot, and I think dA, and places like dA, are effected the most because of my lack of socializing.  Either way, it's just my ramblings, so feel free to not focus on it.  I'll be continuously contemplating my social skills and such.  All my ramblings up there was just what I've been noticing and pinpointing in my thoughts as I try to figure out a way to feel less... pushed in the middle of a spotlight when I try to socialize. |D;

BUT LET'S ACTUALLY GET TO THE MONTHLY UPDATE THING, YEAH?  I think I'll do these on the 8th of the month, if I keep with it. That's the same time I weigh myself each month to see how I'm progressing with my weight loss.

WHICH IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW, I've been working hard on losing some weight.  I know a couple times in the past I would attempt to lose but then I would give up.  However, I've managed to have a plan on what I do that got me to actually see myself lose some quickly, but not too quickly (since that's unhealthy, ha).  
My main rule:  1,000 calories (though now I'm lenient if I go over a little bit, but no more than 100 calories).
My second rule, that Dad had helped me get into before he left:  I have to walk for a while. 
My third important rule that I had to follow:  weigh myself every month (on the 8th) at the same time (1pm) and record it
My last optional rule:  I'm allowed to have 1 cheat day once a week if I want.

At first, everything sucked and I hated it.  But now, I'm not always hungry, and I can walk farther and faster without 1.) my feet being in pain and 2.) getting tired so fast.  
I had started off walking slowly with my dad every day in the morning around the block, which is a half mile just about.  I had hated it and my feet would be in hell it seemed.  However, now I can easily walk it quickly.  (Though since my first walking partner is in the middle of nowhere and my second walking partner (my little brother) has elementary school again, I tend to just walk on the treadmill which is boring as hell but whatevers.)

After doing this, I've become much more confident (though I'm still a coward for the most part and I try to avoid my problems, sorry guys).  I also don't really see that much of a difference but Mum says she can see a difference.  I can only tell (not using a scale) is that a lot of my clothes are... uh... much looser XD.

I started May 8th on this weightloss plan I made for myself at 311lbs.  (Yes, now you know >3>;)  Now, in my last recording I have in my notepad here:  I weigh (on September 8th) 271.6 lbs.  And I'm still losing.  It's averaging about 10 pounds a month.  My over all goal for next May was to have lost 50 pounds.  (I'm already at 40 so woo, my goal will most likely met ha.)

I can't wait to wear some cute stuffs /o/  Or just get different things.  There really isn't a lot of stuff I'd wear right now that comes in "my size."  Most of it doesn't fit right, or I just feel like I look stupid in it |D.  But I have some clothes I had kept from years and years ago that I'll get to wear again.  And some of it is ♥  I can't wait to wear things and not be super self conscious about what's actually visible.  Like, don't get me wrong, I don't think everyone my size is "bad looking."  And I know I should be comfortable with myself, but I just... am not?

Like, I want to be able to go on a hike to take pretty pictures without being stupidly out of breath.  And things like that.  It's embarrassing for me for what I want to be able to go out and do.  I'm just glad I'm getting results for my hard work to get into a more healthy state physically (I'm obese guys.  It's pretty damn hard to do the things I wanna do).

Big people love though, for those who love themselves on their size.  But if you don't love your size, go ahead and work on it.  No damn shame.  Not everyone has to love what they have at this moment.  (And no, I'm not being "influenced" but the beauty thing or whatever.  I don't want to look like most of those beauty peoples.  I'll still be "fat"  I just won't be obese. -divas away-)

I'm really ecstatic though.  I got some goodies from Japan, which I don't know if I've told you guys about.    One of my dad's coworkers over there got some goodies from his wife (who's stationed in Japan).  This guy shared with some of the other guys, including my dad.  As such, Dad asked if there was a way to send me a box of goodies ♥  They have my eternal thanks ahh ♥  

Also, for supper a couple days ago, I got the boys to make riceballs with me :dummy:

(That one is my second one.  It looks bad, but it was yummy as hell >:C)
We had BBQ pulled chicken to put into the riceballs.  My older little brother, Ian, had some inside his.  My younger little brother, Joel, just wanted a plain riceball.  Which was fine, it was more for the experience of making the riceballs.  Ian tried some seaweed with his and liked it ♥  (And the seaweed was actually good quality stuff so it didn't taste like crap, so double ♥ )  It was yummy, even if it was messy and not the best looking.

I ALSO got some of my Christmas stupidly early.  I had gotten myself a lot of Undertale goodies ♥

I got most of what I picked out.  Some of the other things is Preordered so I won't get them for a bit but yessssss.  Now I can leak my love of this game into my physical presence, instead of just gushing at Em about it forever on and off.
-yesses forever into the distance-

UH....  I also have gotten into Skyrim again.  Anyone who has me on steam (which if you want to add me:…  I don't talk much on there.  I also will ask you to NOT give me games.  Please ask first.  I also will not be giving out games unless I really want to.  Don't ask.) can clearly see how much I'm into that game.  I love Skyrim a lot too.  It's also one of my favorite games >3>  Yes.

If you haven't heard, I've started a group :iconthestateraportum:  I've been working on the map at the moment, and it's really hard.  Maps are hard guys.   But most everything behind the scenes (writing wise) is done.  We just have to rewrite it to make it not look like a bunch of notes >3>  But right now I was just working on arts.  It'll take a little bit to get up and running, but once it does, it'll be a pretty relaxed group.
I've been wanting to kinda get back into RPing.  (And to reply to the one RP I have that's been in Haitus for months now because of me.)  And like, I just wanted a chill place.  I also know that Em, who's co-founder of the group, also wanted a relaxed chill group as well to also help her get back into RPing.  So it's like, perfect ♥  
I can't wait to make even more since that's exactly what I should be doing and place characters into there. ♥

But I can't think of much else to put into this possibly monthly thing that I might or might not do.    I've been working on this for the last 3 hours (showering took some time and Mum needing me to help).  I'll try not to ramble AS much next time?  Or just toss out a lot of thoughts that have been circling in my head possibly?  I dunno.  I'm doing pretty good.  Wish I knew what we were doing for supper (I've not eaten Lunch yet so....  >3>) 
I'm sorry art takes me forever.  
That's something I need to get back into as well.
(And sorry for taking forever to reply to comments.  I... I'm trying.  I promise.  And that note.  I will reply back.  I swear.  I just dunno when).



Em and I... we wanted a chillax place to possibly RP and such and just... have a good place to be. (And I miss RPing... I kinda wanna try to get back in it.  But have a better hold and a better balance of RP and everything else I want to do).
So we figured we'd just make a group, why not?

This group is my baby right now and I'm working super hard on it and I love it ♥
This place will let anyone make anything, from humans to robots to fantasy things to whatever you design, to live together and allow to interact with other people.  No activity checks, no big money systems.

Hell, you don't even have to be super into the RPing thing.  If you just want a character to have a home and this place'll work then woo \o/

It's still very much WIP at the moment.
Right now we need to finalize rules, make a discord chat, finish art, make the writing nice and not all notes like. 

But this group makes me super happy and I can't wait ♥

(Also, I'm really sorry there's like... nothing there.  It really is being done and such.  And I REALLY want to finish it and make this group a thing... even if people don't join >3>;  It'll be nice to finish a thing again yeah?)

(A-and the only reason its on here is because it's like... completely original character stuff and I can do most anything?  And it's mainly just a setting ye)
I stole this from TwistedDisaster ... I might have done this one before. No idea.  But I had looked at my comments, and then became a coward so I saw this and here we are.  (I swear... I'll reply to comments... I will.  And notes and just... everything.)

1. Preferred Name:  Dreams

2. Age: 24

3. Mental Age: All the ages.  It really depends on who I'm with, the situation, how I'm feeling, etc.

4. Height: 5'5"

5. Birthday: February 6th

6. Longest Relationship:  
    Longest Relationship: (LIFE) my parents
    Longest Friendship: (9? years) Eessosis
    Longest Relationship (as in with dating and such:  (little over a year) Was with my last ex

7. Crush:  I'm kinda keeping to myself, not chasing anyone.  Unless you mean all these monster babs I keep making then... Mall these monsters and aliens and such ♥

8. Pets: I have four cacti and a bamboo plant. Does that count?

9. Country / State: Amurica / Utah

10. OTP: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk man.

11. Eye color: Blue

12. Hair color: Brown (seriously, I don't get why people call me blond.  My hair is brown like, hello.  Blond is not this color |:U )

13. Fav food: 8,I  I've a lot.  But I'll say pizza <3  

14. Food you hate:  -slams hands down- Ketchup >8C

15. Fav Song: UGHHHH I CAN'T PICK.  UH.  I'll link to a couple. 

(I can seriously go on for a while.  I'll stop here)

16. Song you Hate:  Anaconda - Nicki Minaj.  Uh- there's a few others but that's the most recent one I remember/twas reminded of.

17. Fav Animal: 8,I  This one's hard tooo... Uhhhhhhhhh- Snails, Snakes, Cats, Octopuses, Lots of others

18. One Wish: (I just typed out my dream.  A wish though uhhh) To get a flying licences.  I LOVE planes and flying <3  I just know jack about planes and how to fly them.  (I'd be totally happy if I could just learn how to fly though without planes.  That'd be cool.)

19. Kik Name:  No idea what kik means.

20. Relationship Status: Single

21. Fist Kiss:  Most likely in kindergarten or something like that.

22.  Pronouns: She/her works.  

23.  Sexuality:  Bi, Pansexual-curious

24. Gender: Genderfluid (or more like I don't really give two shits about my gender.  It's anything and everything or just one thing or another.  I don't really care that much.  Genderfluid works well for me).

25. Type of Attraction: The attraction kind.  Idk man.

26. Someone you Love: My family, and my bestie

27. Someone you Miss: I miss people but I miss them more of how I knew them before shit or moving or whatever.  I miss my bestie, even though I talk to her all the time on skype (I miss hanging out with her and such).  

28.  Someone you Hate:  I don't like to hate people. But I have a STRONG dislike of a few people.

29. Fandoms: UHHHHHHH  Idk man?  Lots of things?  You'll just have to ask me.  I CAN say I'm not part of the Steven Universe fandom, My Little Pony Fandom, or the Homestuck fandom (ESPECIALLY these last two).

30.  First Fandom: Pff.  Pokemon.

31.  Fav TV show: I don't really watch a lot of TV... So... uh.... House Hunters, Chopped, America's Got Talent, Pitbulls and Parolees, Lost (even though I don't watch it on TV really.)  Uh... that one face painting one?  I dunno, I just watch what interests me.

32.  Fav Movie: Essentially all the Studio Ghibli movies.  Phantom of the Opera, Harry Potter UHHHH Lots others that I'm struggling with remembering this morning.  I like a LOT of movies.

33.  Fav Book:  Again I have a lot, but I'll go with Fablehaven.

34. A book you Hate: I'm a picky reader kinda.  Or more of a picky writing style reader.  I don't really have a book I hate I don't think?

35. Inside or Outside: Inside, unless it's raining or thunder storming.  Then I wanna be outside ♥  Or night time.... Sometimes it's nice to go outside and lay in the grass and kinda nap in the sun though >3>

36.  Jealous of: Uhhhhhhhh  I might say "UGH I'm so jelly!" but seriously jealous?  I dunno.  I'm envious of some people's skills or whatever but not really... jealous.

37. Do you Bind:  Nah, I don't bind, if you are meaning like... chest binds and such.  Or putting a binder thing on my stomache or whatever.  Either way (even if I'm saying it wrong) I don't.

38. Do you want to bind? Nah, I'm good.

39.  Star sign: Aquarius

40.  Nick Name: Dreams, Dreamsie, Drem

41.  Snap chat Name:  Don't got a snap chat.

42. Books or Wifi: It really depends.  I like Wifi.  But I like books.

43. Bff: Eessosis

44. Most Used App: If you're talking phones, I don't have apps on my phone.  Too old a phone.  If you're talking about how Windows 10 calls all programs apps (which is stupid but whatever), then probably Sai.

45. last test: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh,  Maybe a test in College last year?

46. Ever fallen in love:  Yeah.  I'm a bit of a stupidly hopeless romantic.  I've been working on that.  I fall in love stupid easy.  I'd rather, now, just get to know the person first and fall in love that way.  Be a close buddy of mine first, please.  So you can see me for me and then decide, and the same for me to you.

47. What Attracts you: Uh.  People who stick with their dreams (are we talking about people?) Like seriously, it's absolutely amazing and inspiring for myself to keep pushing for myself.  (That and some monster/aliens ♥ ha).

48.  would you change your sexuality if you could? No?  Why would I?  Especially when I'm just like... "Yeah cool /o/"  Like I have my preferences on what I want sexually (or I think I do.  I dunno.  I've not experienced it at all sooooo-)

49.  Hugs or Cuddles:  Hugs?

50. Ask me a Question:  What sound do you want to be in your life forever?
And to anyone else who celebrates July 4th for any reason :dummy:

But I'm actually here for a deeper journal chat |D

So, if you guys didn't know, I have like... a buttload of characters (original and fanmade).  At least 300, I think...  Maybe more or less.  But I'm almost constantly keep making more.
And if you didn't know, I've actually wanted to draw them more (epsecially my original characters.)  However, as you can see, I don't tend to draw them much.  I settle on just drawing doodles of me, and sometimes Em.  Or just some really random stuff.

I've developed a guilt and regret of not drawing my Original characters.  However, this feeling stems from a guilt and regret of not being able to draw all of them and all their stories.  I have at least 12 big main stories (and then lots of little stories...)  To counter this bad feeling, I've made it a habit to just not draw anyone or work on any story.
So my big question to you is how do you manage to just pick one character or one group of characters/story to work on?  Or just to get into drawing anyone in general?

I know another part of this feeling is stemmed from no one knowing these characters and no one really is "WOO YEAH IT'S -insert name here-!"  Kinda thing.  Which I do understand that if I drew someone more often, people will get to know them more...  

I dunno.  Advice on getting yourself excited about drawing your own characters?  
Like, I love these guys.  A lot.  I love their stories.  I love their personalities.  What they look like (even if I'm going through and updating their designs sometimes).  Like... these guys are my best friends when I'm alone.  Or when I don't know anyone.  Both original and fanmade (though, again, I want to work on my original stuff more. )  I just :,C  I feel so bad |D  It feels like they are all reaching out to me when I sit down and decide to draw my original characters and then I just feel overwhelmed and super guilty :C  Because they all deserve to be loved and drawn ; 3 ;

BUT if you don't have any idea what to say for that stuff.  How are you in general?  What have you been up to?

Another poll, if you're willing to take a moment to look at it and pick.

I've been contemplating if I should be using Twitch or Picarto for my art. They both have their ups and their downs.

Twitch seems to have access to a larger audience.  It's also older, and has been around for a long time, but still up to date from what I can see.  The only draw back I know of is that you have to have an account to chat.  I also don't know as much about streaming on Twitch as I've never done so.

Picarto is what I've been using and I DO really like it.   It does allow anyone to chat if the streamer has the option set as such, as well as allowing people to multistream (with membership) and some other cool features (some with membership others without).  However, it's much newer and has a lot less people using it. 

So which one would you prefer me to use?  And if you have experiences with both, why not comment and share them with me and others who wish to read the comments~?
Alrighty, time to actually update on some life stuff.

Which is terrifying and I hope I actually write most of what I want to say at least.

First things first, let's start with some good news, yeah?
Last month, I started really focusing on losing weight.  I walk everynight (unless I'm butt tired) and every morning if possible.  It's not far.  Only half a mile each session.  But I've made a lot of progress with it.  I used to be super tired after each walk, but now I'm walking the ... inside streets? (I'm totally not remembering what they're called, oops.) And I'm not use panting and such.  Though my feet forever seem to hurt, oops |D;  But I've also put myself at an 1000 calorie diet as well (which is hard to do, and I know it's a bit low but I'm doing well with it so it's fine.)  I've kept to that pretty well, occasionally having a cheat day.  

I've been doing this for a month.  My over all goal for the year is 50 lbs or more.  When I started, I was 311lbs.  (Oh yes, told you guys I'm fat... more like obese but yes.)  I weighed myself a month later.  I was at 2.98.8 lbs.  Like, how great is that.  I've been struggling this month a bit more on losing weight, which my Dad thinks it's because I added more walking than when we started out.  So I'm not expecting this month to be really fabulously great.    But still, I feel great.  I'm proud to have lost that much within a month and I think my 50 lbs is something doable!  I've also been keeping a record of how much I weigh at least every 8th of the month (which is when I started, May 8th. )  If I want to record more, then I can, but I require myself to check at least once a month.    My over all end goal is to get back down to the 100s... like.. 180 would be cool.  Beats 300+, ha.

Maybe I should alternate my good with my not so good?

Though this "not so good" is not really news... just an update?  
A few years ago, I had a huge fall out with someone I called a best friend.  I also pushed away a lot of people...  After that fall out, I really fell into myself.  The last three years, I've been working with myself, fixing myself up a bit.  I wanted to be the person I was before a lot of things.  More of my High School self... or even the self I was when I first joined dA.  I was really friendly and open and tried to be kind and all sorts of stuff.  I will never be like my younger me.  I've become a lot more closed off from people.  I'm much more insecure, and I have a really hard time openly trusting people, opening up to people.  I've become pickier about what I want to open up about.  There's times where I just really want to ramble about everything that's haunting me or making me really nervous.  But...  I know how annoying and stressful it can be to suddenly have someone ranting about whatevers.  

That's one of the things I wanted to not toss at you constantly.  My problems are my own.  If I need to rant or vent, I'll lean on someone I know who will be okay with hearing my emotions... who understand my burdens aren't theirs and that all I need is an ear unless I ask for advice or whatever... Most of the time is I just want to rant about something, ha.  

I say I'm feeling a lot better since those years ago or when that "hell" went down.  I'm still unfortunately haunted by everything that's happened.  People won't let things go.  I still get "go die" and such on my tumblr sometimes.   Passive aggressive calling outs how horrible a person I was/ "am."  Honestly, a lot of this is really bearing down on me sometimes.  Which is sometimes when I make a status update saying something about wishing I could just write about this stuff.  But ugh, whatever |D  I'm in a better spot in my life with those people out of mine.  I have really nice people who'll comment or chat with me occassionally.  A really patient and kind group for Pathfinder.  I have a wonderful family.  A great bestie.  

I just apologize that I'm not very social.  That's something that makes me very nervous sometimes.  I have to build up my confidence to be social, even to reply back to things.  (And I'm forever sorry to a couple of people that I've not replied to things yet and it's been a month or so and just... I'm super sorry ; 3 ;`  I promise I've been thinking about it and have not forgotten about it.)  
Just... be patient with me on the socializing concept.  I'm trying.  It can be really overwhelming.  And it's not just online.  In person is just as "ahhhhh-" like, ha.

Just know that I'm taking my time with myself, still fixing up parts of myself.  Things like that.  I'm sorry for not being great with socializing and keeping to it.

OH!  I was just about to type I forgot what my other good thing was, ha.  BUT I've finally managed to figure out how to make a new youtube that's not stuck with my name as the channel name.  That's been one of the biggest reasons I've not been doing speedpaints.  I didn't want to use my "TheLonelyQueen" channel anymore, especially since I've not gone by that alias for years, ha.  I'll share a link to it when I get it up and going.  I also want to make some more songs to use in the background so I'm not just repeating things all the time.  
THOUGH!  If you have suggestions on what you'd want me to narrate/talk over once in a while.  Like "Redraw this" or whatever, please let me know~!

I swore there was a nother good-  OH YES THERE IS.  But onto the really big thing.

For those who don't know, my father's military.  Air Force to be exact.  He'll be leaving tomorrow for a year... to a dangerous-ish place.  His job doesn't make him have to go out into the field, but they had him learn how to handle a gun and he needs to have armor and such...  It's a bit scary, honestly.  Last time he was gone a year, I didn't really understand that it was also kinda dangerous too....

BUT UHH YEAH.  If I'm even less around, that's why.  I'll be helping out around the place even more.  It should be okay, and I should still be able to post stuff and work on things.  Especially now that my little brothers are olderish and just like playing Minecraft and such, ha. XD  Most of helping around would just be taking up most responsiblities (like mowing the yard.  That was kinda Dad's thing that he liked to do).  But yeah, I'll just be doing some more around the house and whatnots \o/

Last bit of good news (just so I don't end on a down note.  I know I have two more things I could ramble about, but this is enough for now?)
So, you know how I've been about the snails right now?  WELL!  Today,  I picked up one of the snails to hold it for a bit and on it's shell was a BABY SNAIL. like... it didn't have a shell but looked just like the snail I was holding (unless it was a slug...  but I'll hold onto the hope it's a snail XD )  There was another tiny baby close by too and just... Yesssss ♥  Snails <333333

These things make me stupid happy.  I don't know why.  (I blame holding one for a bit that triggered all of this happiness recently XD)  (That happened when I got to hold a cute snake too... I want a snake ; 3 ; But I'd be happy with snails in my room too <333 ... Not allowed to though.  Mum wants to keep them outside |D Which I can totally understand so I'll just be happy when I go out there and get to see them next to the front porch <3 )

We all should have snail happiness in our lives <3333 Yes <3333
A long time ago, I would be really into making speedpaints and such.…  I still have them up for the most part even.  However, when I wanted to restart doing speedpaints, I wanted to use either my own music or music that's not copyrighted in a way I'd not be able to use or possibly profit off of for example.  I also have been pondering maybe starting to narrate a few of my speedpaints and such (like this super cool person… ).

These speedpaints mean you don't have to be in a specific place and the right time to be able to see my stuff (if I continue using Picarto I mean.  I've been kinda eyeballing Twitch to see if I want to use that more or not).  They will be up for forever on my youtube channel and such.

HOWEVER  Speedpaints are sped up, and you can't ask me questions why I'm working if you wanted.

I also have done streams before (and had been meaning to do more of them.)  These, I try to have last a few hours, but my time is always all over the place so they don't happen that often.  I also work sporatically so I don't seem to manage to be super productive while I stream :C  Streams don't have recordings and you have to show up at a specific time.  However, you can chat with me if you like, ask questions why I'm doing things, and see my stuff happen realtime.

So, know all of this... what do you want more?
I stole this from :iconarkhelios: but since I'm lacking a sub (which, is really okay, so don't worry), I'll use Strawpoll instead \o/
You should check out 

And if you can't currently make a donation, I beg you to share the journal.

EDIT 2: Hey guys, it seems like you aren't super interested in these chibis? (Or are possibly waiting to get the money or you just don't want to buy from me which is ok.) So, I'm wondering what WOULD you like me to be doing instead? Keeping in mind, I'm not fully prepared to be taking commissions (with TOS, and mentally ahh so scary) so I don't want to take anything too big (and keeping in mind the price will be changing depending on what you suggest)

EDIT 3: Or well.. A question actually. Is it that I'm uploading "commission" work to :icongoomama: and not here or Fandomkisses (which... would be for any fan arty stuff)? Because if that's it, I have no problem in uploading commission art to my main and second main account. I'd just make a nice lovely folder to put those into and such~! My original plan was to keep my personal stuff (which includes gifts) separate from money-type artwork (adoptables and commissions). This being that, hopefully, I'd be taking a semi steady to a steady stream of commission work and I didn't want it drowning my personal works/characters/stories. But if it's this reason that's off putting please tell me.

I genuinely want to hear this stuff guys. Even if it's "I don't want to commission you" (which I would like a reason why because it does help.) (Or a "I can't commission you"... which.. you don't have to explain why. That's super personal on your part, unless it's something that I've done to offend you or something... then I'd like to know?) If you don't want to say it here, I have a tumblr you can send to~! (And you can send it anonymously if you'd like!)


Emergency Commissions- For a FriendA close friend of mine, OtaPotato, has recently been evicted and is trying to make ends meet + find a new place to live.
I've set up a YouCaring fundraiser, and running it for her while she's without internet. Here's the link to the fundraiser along with more information on the situation:
Here's tumblr links if you'd like to reblog and spread the word that way:
-Make a note in your donation message that you'd like a commission from me.
-Notify me here via comment or note with details and a screenshot of your receipt (you can blur out names).
For $1, I'll do a digital sketch of a character of choice.

For $15, I'll do a speedpaint of a character of choice.
  (Oops, at some point I deleted the journal.  I'm sorry ahh.)


Woo, ok. This is super scary for me. But how about I take 10$ chibis?

How about some star riding chibis similar to   (with a bit more refining).

How this works:
  • You place an order, either in the comments or via note, filling out the template I'll provide below. (one character only per 10$)
  • If/When I accept your order, I'll ask you to make the 10$ donation to… and you'll have to give me proof/your name or whatever (as in, it'd probably be best if you don't do the donation anonymously) OR, if you can make a message, say (dreamsverse) when you donate). Do not go ahead and pay without my accepting your order. Like... feel free to donate, but if you want me to draw you the chibi, then you'll have to wait for my okay with your order.
  • I will then start your order. I'll show you the sketch before I finish to get the go ahead, unless you just trust me to work from the start to finish which you will have to specify.  (I also will probably start a stream after a while while I work on these.)
  • I will share give you a PNG/JPG version of the completed picture.

What you're getting:
  • You will be getting a chibi similar to the chibis I did in [ Em and Me ] Never Give Up. Each chibi will be with a star, or riding a star, or something similar with a star. I'm using the symbol of the star(s) to show hope and help in this situation. (Which is similar to how I used them in the image above) 
  • You can specify a complete BG (like the image above) or a Trasnparent BG (like [ Freebie ] Dinky Chibi for Skywiz) or a Partial BG (as in, something similar to [ Dreamer ] Happy VDAY )
  • (Also, keep in mind: these are chibis. Designs may be simplified as needed)
  • (Also, please do not commission other people's characters without permission. I will need to see that permission, not a "oh it's fine"/"We're friends!"/"It's meant to be a surprise gift..." It makes me anxious drawing someone else's character without permission.)
  • (That being said, I'll take Ferals-Anthros- Humans -etc. and Fandom-Original characters)

Quick TOS (because I haven't finished mine)
  • Essentially don't go trying to make money off of the picture, and don't reproduce it except you're allowed to upload the piece to your account/ (I will be uploading these in batch [if applicable] on GooMama <- which is my commission work and adoptables account)
  • You must credit me if you upload somewhere else (and preferably to Dreamsverse please. I also do have an FA and a account.)
  • Do not claim the work as your own. Also, you must leave my signature/watermark. (I will have the mark not super obvious or taking away from the art piece, don't worry.)
  • I have the right to decline any order for any reason. (Should go without saying but I'll put it here for just in case).
  • I am not a mindless hand for drawing. I will be interpretting your order, allowing you to make a change or so if the art piece breaks your character (unintentionally) or offends you.
  • I also can close my commission status at any time. However that does not mean I will not work on an order that I have already approved. 
I believe that's it.

So, order ticket template: 

Name/Username: [put your username here]
Reference image(s): [I really don't want to work off of text descriptions: but please don't give me more than 10 images. I'd prefer 1 (full reference sheet) or 3-6 (images that will be a good reference to work off of).]
Brief Description about your character: [as in, 1-3 sentences of your character's personality, just to help me get the pose for your character accurate to your character. I will do my best to not break your character, especially based on the description here.]
Other thoughts: [You can specify here what kind of BG (complete/transparent/partial) or if you don't want a WIP/Sketch or if you want another WIP progress shot or anything else that comes to mind (like "My character can't bend their left leg due to a tragic accident" or something).]

I will try to get back to you as soon as possible.

It's be really cool if you can give this a shoutout or buy.  (I should have promoted sooner :C  but I thought they were going to get stuff -sob-  I'm sorry.)
So.. I've seen like.. ten people do this.  And I wanted to wait until I was waiting to be tagged but screw that.  I'll be an untagged rebel and just do it myself.  :iconfliphairplz:
Also, I'm excluding legendaries/Ultra Beasts.  I like a lot of legendaries/Ultra Beasts |D; Also they aren't really in a specific order.  (Also this is hella hard.  I like like... a lot of pokemon -sobs-  So these "top five" aren't like.. I LOVE THESE MORE THAN MY OTHER FAVS.  Ughhh)

This will be a countdown of your top favorite Pokemon by generation. There are so many to choose from, can you narrow them down to five? Feel free to give a simple list, or something with a bit more explanation! 

Generation 1 -- Kanto Region 
#009 Blastoise by Pokemon-ressources   Blastoise
#26 Raichu by Pokemon-ressources   Raichu
#047 Parasect by Pokemon-ressources   Parasect
#097 Hypno by Pokemon-ressources   Hypno
#134 Vaporeon by Pokemon-ressources   Vaporeon

Generation 2 -- Johto Region
#162 Furret by Pokemon-ressources   Furret
#201 Unown by Pokemon-ressources   Unknown
#226 Mantine by Pokemon-ressources   Mantine
#224 Octillery by Pokemon-ressources   Octillery
#195 Quagsire by Pokemon-ressources   Quagsire

Generation 3 -- Hoenn Region
#260 Swampert by Pokemon-ressources   Swampert
#301 Delcatty by Pokemon-ressources   Delcatty
#330 Flygon by Pokemon-ressources   Flygon
#336 Seviper by Pokemon-ressources   Seviper
#354 Banette by Pokemon-ressources   Bannete

Generation 4 -- Sinnoh Region
#405 Luxray by Pokemon-ressources   Luxray
#477 Dusknoir by Pokemon-ressources   Dusknoir
#468 Togekiss by Pokemon-ressources   Togekiss
#425 Drifloon by Pokemon-ressources   Drifloon
#408 Cranidos by Pokemon-ressources   Cranidos

Generation 5 -- Unova Region

#501 Oshawott by Pokemon-ressources   Mijumaru
#637 Volcarona by Pokemon-ressources   Volcarona
#605 Elgyem by Pokemon-ressources   Elgyem
#572 Minccino by Pokemon-ressources   Minccino
#527 Woobat by Pokemon-ressources   Woobat

Generation 6 -- Kalos Region

#703 Carbink by Pokemon-ressources   Carbink
#702 Dedenne by Pokemon-ressources   Dedenne
#704 Goomy by Pokemon-ressources   Goomy
#706 Goodra by Pokemon-ressources   Goodra
#672 Skiddo by Pokemon-ressources   Skiddo

Generation 7 -- Alola Region 
Blue Core   Minior
#771 Pyukumuku by Pokemon-ressources   Pyukumuku
#752 Aquaranid by Pokemon-ressources   Aquaranid
#26' Alolan Raichu by Pokemon-ressources   Alolan Raichu
#778 Mimikyu by Pokemon-ressources   Mimikyu

8,I  This was hard.   I love all the Pokemans.  -sobs-
If you wanna do it, you can /o/  Still no idea who exactly is comfortable with which tags on what things :dummy:

  1.)  Your Name:
Heidi Beachy, but please call me Dreams.  I find it incredibly awkward when internet peeps call me Heidi and not something from my username or whatever (unless it's for professional business.  Then by all means, call my Heidi) (OR if you know me offline/super super close where I say you can call me by my name)

    2.)  Your Age:
23... I'll just put 24 saying- yeah.

    3.)  What does your username mean and how did you come up with it?
Initially my username was TheLonelyQueen  That came from a Neopets story idea as well as I pulled it onto myself as I was dumped right after I moved to Vegas from Alaska and felt extremely out of place and alone.
About 2-3 years ago, I wanted to start over with a new identity.  My username used to be DreamsofMine.  That came from the idea of wanting to work on my original works.  Most of my stories come from a dream I've had, be it dreaming at night or daydreaming.  And then I continue to work on it as I am more awake. Not everything is from a dream though.  But for me, Imagination and Dreams come hand and hand.  (And I didn't want to say ImaginationofMine.  It's really long and a lot more corny to me.)  After a couple months, I realized I felt DreamsofMine was really corny itself and I came up with Dreamsverse.  The idea behind that spans into "Imagination Universe"  or My imagination verse.  Pretty similar to DreamsofMine, but taken in a new way.  Like this is my little spot of dreaming and imagining.  It's my Dreamsverse.  And my Dreamsverse is me.  It definitely stuck, haha.  I really like this identity ♥

    4.)  Why did you join deviantart? 
I had wanted to join deviantart right when I was 13, but I wasn't super into drawing at that time.  That and I wanted to just hang out with my friends.  I joined deviantart with my bestie at the time :iconakatsukiluvr13:  It was something we decided to do as a cool friend thing right after I moved.  Another way to keep in contact.  I also wanted to join because at the time, I felt like I was in competition with my older sister (like, all the time) in art (and most everything actually).  She had joined, which I forgot her username oops, way before me, which also helped me want to join.

    5.)  Why are you still on deviantart?
It's been my main place to upload art and "socialize" for years.  9 years of something.  It's just been that way...  And I don't really plan on leaving dA?  Like, if something else becomes my main art site, I have no reason to ditch dA.  It's just another place to get my stuff out there.    

    6.)  Do you post to any other art websites?
I do on Tumblr, though right now my art blog is complete revamp mode (and has been for a good half year, oops).  I have a furaffinity... Pondering Twitter?  I also have a now, though that more me trying to keep everything organized in one place easily (that and if anyone likes a character they could keep tabs on that character?)  I also have a redbubble, and I sometimes post on facebook, though that's more, right now, putting things up for my family to see. I want to remake my weasyl or whatever it's called, and maybe nabyn (does anyone even remember that place? haha).  I've been wanting to join a couple of other places, but I think I want to get more active first.

    7.)  In your opinion, how do you balance having a style versus knowing the fundamental skills needed to draw?
I was one of those artists who tried to develop a style and didn't want to do boring fundamental skills.  I think it takes way longer doing it the way I did it.  I'm constantly trying to teach myself more of the fundamental skills as I go along (because I'm still a buttface who doesn't want to just sit down and do fundamental skills...  Though I do work on the fundamentals sometimes when I'm stuck).  I also had to take a couple classes about fundamentals and such.  My problem is mainly trying to keep consistency, as well as trying to keep my style in check with the fundamentals skills.  I know I am a lot more aware of the fundamentals now than, compared to... 5 years ago.  But I also feel like I just need to keep drawing and trusting my eye and never give up on looking up more information on how to do something.  Never stop pushing yourself and never stop learning /o/

    8.)  What’s your favorite color to use in your artwork?
Uhhhh.  Probably blues.  However I really like color, so most colors? Ah.

    9.)  Speaking of which?  What do you draw and why?
I started to draw because I was really inspired by some people I discovered here on dA, because of a friend I had back before dA was a thing for me, in competition with my older sister, and because I wanted to make pretty things like what I saw in the things I watched or read.  Why I continue to draw?  Right now, I have no idea what to do besides being creative: drawing, writing, etc.  I want more than anything to break out of my stupid insecurity whenever I attempt this, to share my imagination.  To share my stories.  I want to share my verse, my worlds, my stories, my imagination.  I also feel like now I have a duty to my characters too, haha.  I also feel like I can express myself better by being creative.  I know I have a hard time trying to express myself just by talking, so art is a way for my to socialize.  To get my emotions out.  It's also had been encouraged by socialization.  I had people to talk to because I did something creative. People would talk to me.  (I also hope to, possibly, make it a job?  Especially if I can make money sharing my stories and such.  That'd be cool ha).  I dunno, art is a lot.  

    10.) What is your long-term goal with your artwork?
I want to make a comic, novel, short story, game, anything really.  Something to get my stories out there.  

    11.) Which art form would you try that you’ve never attempted before?
I would love to try 3D stuff.  I've attempted it before but I've never stuck with it long enough to get anywhere with it.  I'd also like to try glass work, and making dolls (like BJDs), 3D printing, making something long enough with animation, lots of stuff?  Like, I want to try it all at least once |D

    12.) Quick!  Fan art or Original Art.  Why?
Original.  It's like, people genuinely like you or your work or what you worked really hard on when people like your original work.  Fan art/Fan characters are loved because of the fandom, and not so much because of what you've done.  I do like Fanart and my fan characters, but there is something a bazillion times rewarding when someone loves your original stuff.  (Hense why I'm trying to work more on my original characters and their stories and worlds than my fanmade ones and their stories)

    13.) Who are your three most influential artist inspirations and why (can’t just claim “cuz Senpai”)
I look up to a lot of people.  I look up to what they are doing, or what they have done.  Their art style, their use of color, technique.  I call them idols, but at the same time, they are people.  Not a godly figure.  They inspire me to get better.  That said, I'm having a hard time picking three.  ....

I'm going to actually... skip this.  I'm sorry :C  It'll end up going on for a long time, because I won't be able to just pick three.

    14.) What inspires you more than anything artistically?
I get inspired to do art and such after watching an awesome inspiring movie. And music.  And streaming.  And staring into space and daydreaming and dreaming.

    15.) What behavior can you absolutely not stand from another artist?
When people think they are better than everyone.  Or they constantly try to guilt people to get shit all the time.  Like, no.

    16.) What’s the most fun thing you’ve made in your gallery and why?
[ Oc ] Glitch by Dreamsverse

[ Me ] Flowers by Dreamsverse  [ Em and Me ] SHUP UP AND DANCE WITH ME by Dreamsverse  ???

    17.) Have you gone to a convention? How was it?

    18.) Where do you see your artistic self in 5 years?
Probably in a similar place sadly.   I might have finally stuck with something by then?  Maybe I've finally done something.  I hope so.  That'd be nice.

    19.) Pick 3 artists on deviantArt, mention them in this journal, and tell them something you’ve been meaning to tell them but haven’t yet.  It can be anything.

8I  Uh-..  -squints into space-.  Honestly I'm drawing a blank? 
You all, yes you.  Keep doing you, keep drawing, writing, something.  You can do it.  

And if you wanna do this, go ahead /o/

SO!  A while back, I had backed this kickstarter from one of my favorite webcomics: Floraverse.  

And today, I got what I backed and I'm so... freaking happy and excited and ahhhh ♥

The package >U>

First peek ahh ♥

And I was a dingus and didn't take a picture of them all together |D

Big thank you to :iconglitchedpuppet: and :iconfloraverse: ♥ and everyone who helped make this possible ♥
I was going to have this giant journal about how 2016 went for me, and what I want to do in 2017 but I realized it really didn't matter.  Like, what happened in 2016 mattered to me.  And what I want to do in 2017 matters to me.  But otherwise, writing it all out didn't matter.  -casually pushes over 2,000 words away and never editted-

So uh.... Happy New Years /o/  Here's my new years journal.

Hope 2017 is a good year, yep.
Guys, go throw love at :iconmirumquis: 
She's insane and got me core??

Go look at her stuff; her art is hella cool and such so yus go do that.

Delibird Delivery! - HarvestLunatone by Mirumquis  Keelan is BAE by Mirumquis True Colors by Mirumquis Beach Day - PKMNSkies by Mirumquis La Seine and I by Mirumquis

And she's also taking commissions.  You should look into that.

Hey guys, this guy has amazing designs /o/  You should take a look at them (he really would like them to get to good homes... and so do I but I need to get to making money before I can just... buy anything else weh). 

SO YEAH~  If you can, a boost would be pretty cool for him too /o/